Time never really flies.

Although I already knew this, I'm starting to realize that this is not a vacation. This is life, this is real, and this is a heck of a lot longer then I could ever have understood.

You can look at a period of time and say, that compared to the rest of your life it's barely any time at all, but then when you look back at only a fraction of that time spent, you realize just how much you have done, learned, seen, and grown, and it seems like an eternity.

I've learned about my faith, about myself, about other people, and about the world, and as I sit there and make plans for what's to come I realize that I haven't even begun to scratch the surface. I feel like I'm sitting still in a place that although I am a resident of, still doesn't feel like home. I feel as though time is stretching out in front of me, and I can see everything that I'm going to do, and everything that I'm going to learn, but I'm not sure how I'm going to get there. I can see the person that I'm going to become by the time this year ends, but she's just out of reach, locked somewhere away and waiting until the right moment to emerge.

And I also see everything that I was. To think about the girl that was only two months ago, getting on a plane with tears in her eyes and absolutely no idea what she was doing, And I wonder how I could have ever been that girl. She's completely different from me.

God put me here. Why I don't know yet, and what I am supposed to be doing I'm still not sure... But I know that I'm here for a reason. And he is slowly telling me, that I need to be prepared to spend a year almost completely alone. Of course only in the personal sense. No one here knows me, and I'm beginning to doubt that they ever will, how can you explain 20 years of a life, especially a life, mind, and personality as complex as mine?

And of course, as with everything in life, I've realized there are things I have to give up. People are moving on with their lives, lives I am no longer a part of, and as much as I may want to hold on, I have to let go. If there's one thing I have learned and learned well, it's that trust in the Lord is the only absolute and sure thing that we have in this world.

I don't know where I am at this point... And I'm still not sure where I'm going. All I know, is that it will be a long time getting there, and I will most likely be the only one travelling. Of course the first step is realizing that if that's ok with God, then it has to be ok with me.